


Half of a Pair

by oj_lod



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barry is the best, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Lup suffers for a cycle, Sibling Love, Swearing, Temporary Character Death, but no gore or violence, cause it's taz, detailed description of someone dying, did i mention irony, i researched deadly nightshade for this but took some liberties, i snuck in some blupjeans fluff because i can't make it all terrible, ironic death, it's all good by the end my dudes, p.s. the tone of this changes a lot because the twins can't be serious until shit goes DOWN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 17:50:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15148568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oj_lod/pseuds/oj_lod
Summary: He's right, in a weird way. If they're going to die someday (and it's an ‘if’ now, what a weird thought) Taako deserves to go out in the most flashy, theatrical, overly dramatic and publicized way possible, whether it's permanent or not.That’s not how it happens.After a mission gone wrong, Lup is left alone.





	Half of a Pair

“How do you wanna die?”

Lup poses the question one day while they’re on their own. Barry is busy trying to pinpoint the light, which appears to have fallen into a weird, shimmery canyon this time around. Everyone else is relaxing or out on missions, leaving the twins to entertain themselves _without_ large amounts of destruction, severely limiting their options.

Taako considers the question as he stirs the pot of chili between them.

“Like, for real? ‘Cause we did die a couple of cycles ago when we tried to skydive into the Hunger.”

“Yeah, that was fun, but I mean for real.” Taako takes a spoonful of the sauce, frowns, then snatches the pepper flakes out of Lup’s hands. She stares him down. “Well, somebody wants their hypothetical death to come faster, huh?” He ignores her, tossing more flakes into the pot.

“Okay but it’s _so_ much better now,” he holds out the spoon to her. Lup tastes it, sighing and admitting defeat. Taako is, of course, right. He often is, even if her sisterly duty is to never let him know.

“You live to see another day, amigo.” He grins.

“But to answer your question,” He begins, hopping up on the counter. She can feel Davenport cringe from miles away. “I’d like to live to the ripe old age of 690,”

“Of course you would.”

“Then, when I’m on my deathbed, and it’s really sad and stuff cause I’m like, suuuper famous...”

“Right.”

“I call up you in your lichy-ass form and tell you to come fight me outside fantasy McDonalds.”

“Wait, why am I a lich in this scenario?” Taako quirks an eyebrow at her.

“Are you telling me you’re gonna inhabit your old ass body when you have a young, attractive ghostie form to hang out in?”

“Fair. Continue.”

“Aaaanyway, so you agree to a duel in the parking lot, and we battle fiercely. It’s the TV event of the century. Even in my old dude body, I’m still capable of kicking anyone’s ass.” He swivels towards Lup dramatically. “Except yours, Lulu.” She snorts. “You defeat me by just a hair, my own sister, standing over my defeated form. And then,” Taako pauses for dramatic effect. “I cast magic missile on myself and die.” Lup breaks into laughter.

“I don’t know what I expected.”

“Oh, and also when the grim reaper tries to come catch my soul I seduce him.” Taako adds as an afterthought.

“You what?”

“I’d literally jump those bones.” Lup groans.

“Oh, my _god_. So wait, let me get this: you live to be a stupid age, challenge me to a duel, die by your own spell and fuck the grim reaper?”

“Yep.”

“Well, there’s my answer I guess.”

“It’s a perfectly valid death!” Taako scoffs. “How would you want to die then?” Lup shrugs.

“Of old age, I guess, just in a nice house with Barry, surrounded by our baby Bluejeans and their baby Bluejeans, with like a dog or something.” Taako looks at her in disbelief.

“Holy _shit_ , Barry has made you soft. That sounds like a _Magnus_ fantasy.” Lup smirks.

“Pysch. Giant fireball. But Barry would be there, yeah.”

“In the fireball?”

“We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”

“Is that a thing people say?” Taako slides down off the counter to finish the chili with a generous pile of cheese. “My idea is way better though.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She rolls her eyes as he hands her a tasting spoon. He's right, in a weird way. If they're going to die someday (and it's an ‘if’ now, what a weird thought) Taako deserves to go out in the most flashy, theatrical, overly dramatic and publicized way possible, whether it's permanent or not.

 

That’s not how it happens.

 

When they land, Lup is excited, because it seems like a lucky cycle. The planet is seemingly absent of any animals, populated mostly by an odd, purplish forest which glows with brilliant bioluminescence at night. The light of creation falls quickly and visibly, ending in a clearing in the middle of the woods. The bad news is that the forest is too dense for a flyover recovery, which means a team of them has to go on foot to the clearing. It’s Lup that suggests their group.

“Well, Taako and I know the most about magic and stuff, so we can dispel any weird shit, and Barry can navigate with us.” Secretly, she just wants a chance to hang with her brother and her partner. Taako shrugs in agreement and Barry nods. It ends up just being the three of them, because it’s supposed to be a short, easy journey. Merle wants to study the flora (and she prays to every god she can remember the name of that he means it literally and ONLY literally), Davenport is manning the ship and Magnus and Lucretia are both spending time with Fischer. So the duty falls to them. Find the light. Retrieve the light. Keep each other safe.

 

The trip wasn’t supposed to be a long one, but it quickly becomes more complicated as the twins discover their Detect Magic to be virtually useless. Taako manages to locate a very magical looking pile of rocks instead of the light, so they’re forced to go off a crude map and the thing’s general pull to keep them going in the right direction. After an hour of aimless wandering, they stumble across a small patch of grass surrounding a small spring lined with some kind of berry bush. Barry more or less collapses by the spring, gulping up the water. Lup allows herself to slump down onto the grass, and Taako sits between them, exaggeratedly fanning himself with his hat. He glances at the bushes and perks up a little.

“Oh, sweet, elderberries!” He grabs a handful and starts popping them into his mouth one by one. “If I gotta be out here, I might as well get some jam out of it.” Lup ignores her brother in favor of checking up on Barry, who mumbles about being dehydrated, but otherwise seems fine. They all rest for a while longer, recovering from the last few frustrating hours. As they get up to leave, Barry grabs at one of the bushes, and Taako spins around.

“Barry, hey! Barry, don’t eat those.” He quickly casts mage hand and all but launches the berries out of his friend’s hands. Barry blinks.

“Well that was kinda overkill, don’t you think?” Taako shakes his head, waving a hand nonchalantly.

“Those berries started tasting gross like halfway through, I dunno what to tell you, kemosabe.” He considers. “They were probably rotten or something. Anyway, can we speed this shit up? I’m about done with magical forests.” Lup honestly couldn’t agree more, so she ushers the other two out of the clearing and down the path in the general direction of the pull. It takes them a few precious hours, but they eventually come within a half mile or so of the light, close enough for the sensation to become unmistakable.

“Thank the gods.” Barry sighs, but it’s a relieved sound. “I was starting to worry that we’d just located the whole thing wrong.” Lup smiles and elbows Taako.

“No thanks to your spell, huh?” Taako doesn’t respond. She frowns.

“Taako?” He doesn’t quite look at her.

“Yeah...I uh, Barry, go get the light.” Barry blinks a couple times.

“What?”

“Get the light, Barold.” Taako says, with some of his typical snark. “Only one person has to get it, right? And honestly, I’m too tired to be bothered. Get the light or the scary eye things are gonna spot it and we’re going to be slightly more fucked.” Barry looks at Lup helplessly.

“Go get the light, I’ll see what his deal is.” He hesitates for a few more seconds before nodding and darting down the path. Lup turns to face her brother, honestly pretty irritated. He's right, strictly speaking, but he usually doesn’t pull petty and lazy shit in situations this dire.

As he turns to face her, her annoyance is extinguished by something she can only describe as _cold_. She’s known Taako as long as you can physically know another person, and instantly she can see that something is so, so, wrong. His pupils are blown wide, and he’s shaking, his frame wracked with tremors. He manages eye contact for a second and then his balance sort of...gives out in a way that’s so not him, because Taako never falls, and when he does he plays it off with a grin and another trick to distract. But he stumbles and she just barely catches him, dragging them both to the ground.

“Taako?” She can barely hear the panic in her own voice for the pounding in her ears. “Taako!” He looks up at her, blinking slowly, like he’s trying to make sense of her face. When he speaks, his voice is slurred to the edge of incoherency.

“So those berries I ate earlier…”

“No.”

“Yeah, thought they were space elderberries. Didn’t taste like them though, so I figured either they were edible or they weren’t, which is the two things something can be.” He coughs, and she tightens her grip on his robe as if it will somehow anchor him down. “Guess we found out which one, huh?” He cracks a grin, but Lup feels panic rising in her, the cold spreading throughout her, numbing her senses because this _can’t be happening._

“We have to get you to the--to the med bay. Merle knows plant shit, he’ll--he’ll  have something.” Taako shakes his head.

“I’ve been slowly going unconscious for um, like an hour now.” He’s not even looking at Lup anymore, focused on something behind her, as if there’s something there. “Hey, aren’t you glad I smacked that shit outta Barry’s hands though?” He smiles faintly. “I couldn’t let him eat that and have both of us be r-i-p, that’d like super suck for you.” The tremors have gotten more violent, and his face is totally colorless now. “Sorry I didn’t let you go with him, but I didn’t really want to die alone.” He looks up at her and frowns. “Aw, c’mon Lup, be cool about this.” What? She brings one shaking hand to her face , feeling dampness where tears have streaked her face.

“Be _cool_ about it? Taako, you’re fucking dying.”

“Yeah, in a really stupid way. But I’ll be back, y’know. This is a temporary arrangement.”

“Of course I know that, I just, I can’t, I-I--”

“Lup.” Their eyes meet and she sees that his are watery, too, from pain or emotion she doesn’t know. “It’s okay.” She makes a choked-off noise and pulls him from their collapsed-on-the-ground position into the tightest hug she can manage. She’s not sure which one of them is shaking more.

“I love you, Taako.” Because what else can she say?

“I love you too, sis. I’ll catch ya later.” Only fucking Taako would make his last words any variation of “see you later”. She clutches him as tight as she can and he clutches her back, and then his grip goes slack and everything is endlessly, horribly quiet. The shaking doesn’t stop because she’s trembling and she can’t breathe or process and she’s staring at Taako’s face--her face--and there’s no one staring back--

“Guys, guys, I got it!” Surfacing over the hill is Barry, a triumphant grin on his face. It slides slowly off his face as he sees Lup, hunched over on the ground. “Lup.” He inhales sharply as he sees the not-quite-right-then-entirely-wrong form of Taako. “Oh god, Lup, oh god, I-I, no, no, no!” He sprints towards her, the knowledge of the damage that has just been done setting in on them both. He reaches her and lays a hand on her shoulder. “Lup, love, can you hear me?” She takes a shaky breath.

“The berries.” He nods,filling in the blanks and coming to the horrible, final conclusion.

“I am so, so sorry.” He stares at Taako with a sick feeling in his stomach. Lup knows that he’s struck too, that he’s feeling the sudden and worthless death of a loved one. But Lup? She feels loss like a burning knife, like a part of her has been physically ripped out, replaced with that icy numbness that still fills her veins. Barry slowly pries her hands from Taako, and yeah, they’ll have time to be super traumatized about that later, but for now they just have to get away from this place. They have to reach the ship. He quickly casts a spell, and the body--Lup still can’t quite connect it to Taako, alive and vibrant--fades into another plane for the moment, because _fuck_ , they can’t just leave it there. Lup feels him practically drag her to her feet, and they stumble back along the path. After a while, Barry thinks to grab his stone of farspeech. He mutters into it, but his words are far away and echoey in a way that she can’t quite parse. They reach the ship seemingly instantaneously, though Lup knows they must’ve retraced their long trek to the clearing. Lucretia runs out to greet them, first aid kit in hand, which is funny, in a horrible, sickening way.

“Barry, what’s wrong? You said something happened--” She takes in the scene, and Lup sees the horror dawn on her before she collects herself, nods and gestures them inside, face a mask. The others are gathered in the common room, sat around a table with mission plans scattered about. Lup sees relief dawn on them first, because Barry is there and unharmed, the staticy panic that came through on the stone of farspeech not physically present. And Lup is there, leaning on Barry and not making eye contact with anyone, and when another form doesn’t slink out behind her, the relief vanishes from their faces. Davenport sighs deeply and leans against his chair, running a hand through his hair. Magnus curses, slamming his hands down on the table, tears in his eyes, and Merle puts his face in his hands for a long moment.

“I’m...gonna take Lup somewhere to lie down,” Barry says softly, and nobody stops him. Death is a normal and expected part of their job, whether or not they signed up for it, but it doesn’t ever get easier. And it doesn’t usually happen like this. Typically someone dies alone on a mission, or so quickly that nobody has time to react. Both twins usually go down at the same time, because they always fight back to back, and if one dies it’s usually Lup, because she’s sometimes impulsive and destructive where her brother is calculated and defensive. This hasn’t happened before, and no one seems prepared to deal with it, least of all Lup. She feels like her brain is filled with cotton, thoughts coming slow and soft, as if their full impact is being dulled by the numbness and buzzing in her ears that started the second she felt Taako’s heart stop against hers. Barry takes her to their room, but she grabs his arm and shakes her head, making him pause.

“Would you rather go back?” She shakes her head again, not feeling capable of answering. She tugs him gently towards her old room instead, the room she shared with Taako.

“Lup, love, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Barry’s being sensible, trying to give her time to process, but that’s not what she needs right now. She manages to choke out a small

“ _Please_ ” and Barry sighs and gives in because that’s just who he is, letting her type in the combination she knows by heart and letting them in. He sits her on her old bed, kissing her forehead softly.

“I love you.” He pauses at the door. “He’ll be back, Lup.” She nods absently as he leaves, giving her one last concerned glance. Once he’s gone she slumps back, eyes shut tightly. Without thinking, she walks across the room and sits on Taako’s bed. There’s a book on advanced transmutation sitting on his pillow, with a dog-eared page near the center. She’d seen him reading it that morning before their mission. A dress (her fucking dress, by the way, he’s stolen so many of her outfits)  and a pair of boots are laid out, because Taako always changes outfits after a mission. She flops back onto the bed, coming eye level with Taako’s side table. There’s a picture of them from the beach cycle, giving the camera identical grins as a giant wave creeps up behind them. It took actual months to get the seaweed out of their hair. As Lup looks at it, the numbness finally leaves, and she feels herself _break_. When the first sobs come, nobody turns the light on and pokes her cheek until she stops. There’s no pressure on the mattress of someone coming to hug her or tease her, and she realizes there won’t be for a long, long time.

 

Lup gives herself exactly twelve hours to mourn. She stays in the room, crying and staring at the wall in equal measure. Then, she gets up, puts on the dress and boots, ties her hair into a ponytail, and grabs her wand. She takes a deep breath and exits the room, heading for the Starblaster’s gangplank. Magnus is drinking coffee in the kitchen, and he looks up with a start as she breezes past him.

“Hey, Lup, are you--” She holds up a hand as she walks past.

“Give me a minute, Mango.” She unlocks the door and exits the ship, jogging towards the forest. She walks calmly towards a specific clearing, running through spells in her head. But, when her eyes land on the first of the berry bushes, her mind goes blank and she lets a blast of fire shoot from her palms, causing it to go up in smoke. Then she does it again, And again. Someone is screaming. _It was so avoidable. So unnecessary._ The last bush is incinerated and she realizes her voice is raw. She takes a deep breath, then surveys the scorched clearing one more time before heading back towards the ship. She barges into Barry’s study, and he looks up with an expression that isn’t quite a smile, but is warm nonetheless.

“Lup! How are you doing?” She crosses the room and sits next to him. Then, she wraps her arms around his shoulders and starts to sob again. “Oh.” She whimpers and he rubs her back soothingly, not saying anything. After a while she takes a long, shuddery breath and gives him a watery smile.

“I’m doing better.”

“Really.” The doubt is clear in his voice, but she is doing better, honestly. He hugs her close for a moment. “I’m glad to hear it.” Then he swallows heavily and speaks shakily. “Lup, I’m so sorry, those berries, if I’d just tried them first--” She shoves his face gently.

“Okay, none of that. There’s no way you could’ve known. Besides, Taako only knew those stupid things were shady because they didn’t taste like the fruit he thought they were. You wouldn’t have know that and I would’ve lost both of you.” her voice cracks towards the end, despite her best efforts. She’s thinking about Taako, eyes wide with panic for a moment, knocking the pile of fruit out of Barry’s hands. “I mean, yeah you’d be a lich, but then I couldn’t hug you, and to be honest, I really need that from someone right now.” He nods, kissing her softly, and she wraps her arms tighter around him. Gods, he really is the best.

 

Lup manages, for the most part. It’s hard, because it’s like an essential part of her is missing, and that super, mega sucks. A few days after the incident, she decides to cook for everyone, and everything is just a little bit wrong.

“Hey, Taako can you pass me the--” Before she stops and realizes mid-stir what she’s said. There’s a beat of silence, then a loud crash as Barry, Magnus, and Merle all dive for the salsa she’s gesturing to in an attempt to hand it to her. After that, she has one of the seven help her in the kitchen, and it’s a little easier. They’re all pretty terrible, but teaching them gives her something to do, and having a second, or third, or fourth person in the kitchen makes it feel less empty. The other five on the ship help make everything feel less empty, really. At one point in her life, she’d have been completely alone, but now they refuse to let that happen. They can’t replace Taako, not ever, but they’re willing to wait for him with her, and that’s enough. She grows her hair out a little, and eventually starts wearing his hat on the rougher days. Nobody comments, but everyone seems to get it. Taako isn’t there, so Lup has to play both parts. She has to keep his space in the group. He isn’t gone, just missing, and as much as it hurts, that hole _has_ to stay, because it means that’s still true. It means he is coming back.

 

11 months and 3 weeks after Taako’s death, the Hunger arrives. Davenport shouts, dropping his tea and running to the helm, and Lucretia rushes to the window and starts recording. Lup goes to follow Magnus up to the deck to begin their futile plan of blasting the Hunger as best as they can, but he puts a hand on her arm and squeezes gently.

“I got it.” he gives her a smile. “Go wait for him.” Some emotion wells up in Lup that she can’t quite identify, so she just gives him a salute and dashes back to the room where they first met the hunger decades ago. She crosses her arms and slumps down the wall, eyes fixed deliberately on multitude of inky tendrils through the window, and not on the spot where her brother should-- _would_ \--reappear. The Starblaster spins and jerks as Davenport maneuvers them out of harm’s way, and the instant they leave the plane Lup begins to feel a familiar tug. She finlly lets herself turn her eyes towards Taako’s spot, a place she knows by heart after so many years, and prays to every god she can think of. There’s a blurry shape there, but it’s too bright and she can’t see, what if it’s not him, what if he’s _gone_ \--

 

Lup blinks. She’s standing by the window, Lucretia and Merle next to her as they all look out into space. She closes her eyes and counts the seconds.  

“Well, that fucking sucked.” Her eyes snap open and she whirls around to face her brother. She realizes that the hat on her head is gone, having made its way back to its rightful owner, and for a long moment, she focuses only on that. Taako is still rambling.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, pretty planet and all but I do not dig the whole ‘death’ thing. 0/10 would not visit again--” He’s cut off as she gives him a hug that is more or less a straight-up football tackle. “Wow, okay, I missed you too, but mind the hair.”

“Taako.”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.” He does. After a moment, he returns the hug with equal force, a shaky breath escaping him as he holds on harder than he strictly needs too. His heart is beating, quick and real and _alive_ , and Lup feels the void recede a little, Taako’s presence taking its rightful place back up like it's the most natural thing in the world. After a moment, there’s the sound of pounding feet as the twins are forcibly made the center of a seven member group hug. Davenport flies them down into their next world, and soon they’ll have to do recon and find out the details of this new place. But for now, they sit around the table, laughing and talking with their family whole again. Soon enough Taako has a pan out (“You don’t get to cook when you’re dead, it’s a real bummer”). The others show him their new cooking skills and Lup steals his pepper flakes. They have a lot to talk about, and there’s probably an extended sibling crying session in order, but for now everyone is happy, and for once, everything is going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> I posted two fics within a reasonable time frame for once, what has taz done to me! No but for real this is the longest one-shot I've posted as of writing this and it's just me putting Lup through hell. But like, there's so much about Taako losing Lup, but she'd be equally broken up about losing him, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. Hope you enjoyed, and don't forget to leave kudos and/or a comment if you did!


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